


Happiness

by fromcalliopesdesk



Category: Homestuck
Genre: General Angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromcalliopesdesk/pseuds/fromcalliopesdesk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuing on with a pointless, pathetic existence with people who paid you no mind was not only heartbreaking; it was illogical.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by speculations going around that Terezi had actually died, and this was why she had refused to show Karkat her eyes.

Your name was Terezi Pyrope. You were proud to say that in your seven sweeps of life, no one had even once thought you had broken. You FLARPed like a pro, you took being blinded in stride, you never anyone see just how upset you were over Karkat. You had been undeniably strong - on the outside, at least. 

Of course, you had been strong on the inside once, too. It took a lot to break a troll such as yourself. Your downward descent began with Sgrub. You were only six sweeps old. None of you were emotionally or psychologically ready for the strain the game would put on you. None of you had expected that your session would go horribly awry. None of you had thought that it would result in the deaths of six of your friends. You especially never thought that one of those deaths would have been caused by you. 

You killed Vriska Serket and that tore you up inside. You were sickened over the fact that you were guilty at all, but you were even more disgusted with yourself for killing her in the first place. You were stuck on that meteor for a good sweep; that gave you a lot of time to think. One of your only regrets is that you never found her to apologize. 

That was just another thing you didn’t do, you supposed. Incompetent friend, incompetent matesprit, incompetent moirail, incompetent Seer. You never managed to be good enough no matter how hard you tried. You tried to make Karkat jealous with Dave, instead you pushed him away right into Harley’s arms. Karkat barely spoke to you since. You found a moirail in Dave Strider out of that mess, but you monopolized every feelings jam. You were of no use in preparations for the new session. Rose was god tier and a fully realized seer. She knew everything to do. What could your stupid little powers do to help in comparison to hers? She had all the answers, you had nothing but time.

Too much time, in fact. The sudden realization that you will never get to be a legislacerator - something you had devoted your entire life to becoming - was what pushed you over the edge. There was nothing for you to do for the past sweep, and there will be nothing for you to do in the new session. You’d be perpetually useless. 

You were logical. A hatched legislacerator, you absolutely had to be. Continuing on with a pointless, pathetic existence with people who paid you no mind was not only heartbreaking, it was illogical. 

You tucked yourself away in a far-off room on the meteor away from anyone who could potentially find you. You tied a very official noose one last time and with the aid of a chair managed to tie it around a metal beam running across the ceiling. A final hug had been given to Pyralspite. Death came easy to you. 

——-

What came after death, however, was not so easy. You ended up in a dream bubble filled with ancestors and the dream projection of your remaining friends on the meteor. You thought that maybe before, you were on your way to becoming a fine mini Redglare. Latula dashed those hopes immediately. She was confident and loved and so, so rad. She wasn’t weak like you were. She fought until the end. 

You retreated back to the memory of your hive back on Alternia and found your dragon cape inside. You threw it on and pulled the hood low over your eyes, hiding the white. You had decided to go to the forest below, seeing as staying there had always helped you clear your head and relax back home. 

The last person you wanted to see was Karkat. You made up some excuse that was not entirely false about Latula being impossibly cool and that was your only problem. Karkat surprised you by telling you what a wonderful person he thought you were and calling you beautiful and saying that all he wants is for you to be happy. He left shortly after that and if possible your heart broke even more with that confession. 

You decided to chase after him, trying to think of a way to explain that you were so sorry and you couldn’t be happy. You could never be happy again because you made a dreadful mistake and you were so stupid and so sorry and why was the fishgirl standing in your hive? 

A date. He just got done with telling you how he thought you were amazing and beautiful and he already got a date with a much older dead girl. You’d bet all the boonbucks you had before you died that he was lying through his teeth during your entire conversation. 

You decided you won’t go looking for Karkat. Maybe you were wrong and this wasn’t a mistake. Maybe you could finally be done with feeling useless and hurt. 

Your name was Terezi Pyrope, and you hope to finally find happiness in death. After all, you had an eternity to look for it.


End file.
